meet me or not, i'm out of control
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
