my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize