Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
