hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
This is my gift to your gina
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
