Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
