things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
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