Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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