non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I did not marry a roomba.
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