I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
