Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he shaved USA in his pubs
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
