Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Can Purell be used as lube?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
