Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
40s are totally the cure
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
