Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
