I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
