Your face is a jimmy john
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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