Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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