I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
