do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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