Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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