He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
