My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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