I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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