Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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