it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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