Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
