The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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