Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
