I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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