Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
