At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
