My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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