i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
