Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
