Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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