My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
40s are totally the cure
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
