How'd it feel making her break her religion?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize