just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Someone signed my nipple.
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