i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
