Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
