You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
