using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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