Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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