she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
