fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
