So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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