i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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