i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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