thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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