I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
