Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
