Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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