the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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