Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I believe in your delicious
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
