i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
