Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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