my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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