Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
