i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
