I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
