dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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