I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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