You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
