Dual....:-)
i just had sex bonerless
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
