the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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