i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
