shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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