were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
