This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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