so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize