yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
