she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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